What Are These Girls to Do?: Fellowship
by Obsidian Webb
Summary: Slightly new name and some revisions, but still the same chocolatey nugat center you all love. FINISHED
1. Chapter 1: Ropes! Wheeeee!

Disclaimer: Okay, so you know I didn't write it, you know that Ete and Merut are my characters, everyone else is not mine. You think I'm that creative?  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"What would our mission statement be if we ever found a portal to Middle Earth?" asked Ete, walking under the shade with her friend, Merut. They were walking to the swimming hole at Pennsic, the biggest event of the Society of Creative Anachronism (a group that reenacted the Middle Ages. Their real names aren't Merut and Ete), because they were hot. It was 98 degrees in the shade. The two needed solace from the heat.  
  
Ete was wearing a mustard colored gown, brown belt with favors of the "current queen" Roxanne, black lace up, knee high boots and a green felt hat pinned to the side. Merut was wearing her "pirate gear," i.e. black pants, red tunic, black leather belt with about ten favors on them, black ankle boots and purple felt hat with pheasant feather in it.  
  
"Well," Merut said, smiling. "First, we would find magic."  
  
"What about Elves?" Ete said, faking worry in her voice.  
  
"Well then, how about an elf to teach us magic?" Merut cocked an eyebrow to Ete.  
  
The two girls smiled to each other and said in synchronicity, "Elven magic...."  
  
In two minutes' time, Merut and Ete found themselves wading into the water, Ete's skirts tucked up above her knees, revealing the bikers' shorts underneath, Merut's pants rolled up above her knees.  
  
"I just felt my body temperature go down about five degrees!" Ete said, sighing with the comfort of the cool water.  
  
"Aaaah." Merut said. She looked around in the alcove and saw two boys playing with a rope tied to a branch on a tree. "Hey, E.T. Look." Merut pointed to the boys swinging out over the water.  
  
Ete looked over. "I'm not doing that."  
  
About half an hour later, Ete found herself holding onto the rope behind Merut.  
  
"Why am I doing this?" Ete asked her comrade.  
  
"Because I won't leave until you do!" Said Merut and with that, Merut and Ete started running full speed towards the ledge.  
  
As they were flying through the air, the rope broke and sent the two flying into the river. Oddly enough, the two girls did not, in fact, ever reach the bottom of the riverbed, or the water. It's not that they were paying enough attention to notice, but more of the fact that they were laughing so much from the fun, they weren't paying attention when they finally stopped falling and just continued laughing.  
  
It's only when Ete picked up the subtle hint of a cough that she looked up, while Merut still lay there, laughing. Ete realized something very strange.  
  
"Merut. Stop laughing. Look." Ete said, hardly daring to move, but shaking Merut's shoulder all the same.  
  
Merut slowly stopped laughing and looked around. At first, she didn't know where she was. Then, her eyes shot very wide and turned to Ete. They knew exactly where they were.  
  
On Legolas's lap. 


	2. Chapter 2: Elrond! EEP!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own it and if I did, do you think I would be sitting here, posting on a fan fiction website?  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
  
  
Ete and Merut quickly jumped up and screamed. Not because of the fact that they had been lying on the lap of the gorgeous Elf god himself, but because they were expecting to be in a water-filled riverbed. Not in, wait. Where were they?  
  
"Excuse me," said Gimli the dwarf, sitting to the left. "But I thought we were here to talk about how the ring should be handled, not the strange appearances of Elf ladies."  
  
"What elf-?" Merut said, turning her head to the left to look at Gimli and Ete.  
  
"Wait. Elf?" Ete said, trying to turn her eyes to look at her ears. She quickly gave up on that endeavor and reached her hand up to her ears. She gave a squeak and then looked to the ground. "We're the elves." Ete said in a whisper to Merut.  
  
"Excuse me, ladies." Elrond said from behind them. The two girls turned around and looked up.  
  
"Lord Elrond." Merut and Ete said, curtsying out of reflex.  
  
"Hey!" Merut said quietly. "When did I get a dress?"  
  
"When did I get long sleeves... and hair?" Ete said to herself. It was only then that they realized that their clothes had changed from "Pirate gear" and the mustard, short sleeved gown to angel wings for each of them and Ete's hair was turned black and grown down to her waist.  
  
"What's that?" Elrond said to the girls.  
  
"Nothing!" Merut and Ete said simultaneously.  
  
"Well, who are you?" Elrond said, starting to circle the girls.  
  
Merut decided to speak first.  
  
"I'm Ab-." Merut said, instinctively going for her normal name, Abbatha. She was reminded that she couldn't be "Abby" by Ete, who jabbed Merut in the stomach. "Merut."  
  
"And where are you from?" Elrond said.  
  
"Um, I'm from...."  
  
"Mirkwood!" Ete piped up. "And I am Ete, from Rivendell."  
  
"Why have I not seen you before?" asked Elrond, starting to grow curious.  
  
"Well...." Ete said, pleading Merut to help her with her eyes.  
  
"She was visiting me in Mirkwood." Merut said, being clever.  
  
"Very well," Elrond said, still curious, but letting the curiosity fade, "But why are you here?"  
  
"We...." Merut said, thinking. "We heard about your plight!"  
  
"Y-yeah." Ete said. "We heard about the ring."  
  
"How?" asked Elrond, "No one knows bout it. We haven't even brought the subject to the council yet."  
  
"Word travels! Faster than the wind!" Merut said, not knowing exactly how to pull this off.  
  
"I foresaw it!" Ete said.  
  
"You have foreseen it?" Asked Elrond, now very much intrigued by this idea.  
  
"Fore seen it?" Merut said in alarm.  
  
"Yes, Merut." Ete turned quickly to Merut. "You saw it with me, remember?"  
  
Merut looked at Ete as if she had several heads, but then caught on and played with it.  
  
"Um... yes. We can see the future." Merut said slowly. Ete nodded for Merut to continue. "And we decided to come and help."  
  
"We want to help destroy the ring." Ete said to Elrond. "We like to help when humanity and all else is in danger."  
  
There was some silence at the council as everyone stared at the girls.  
  
"I am not wholly convinced." Said Boromir, standing up. "We should test these girls to tell if they really can do as they say."  
  
"Oh, shut up, Gondor-boy. You aren't king." Merut said curtly to Boromir. She quickly turned to Ete and said, "I've always wanted to do that."  
  
"I agree with Boromir." Said Aragorn. "Anyone who just appears without telling should be put under questioning."  
  
"Do you want me to give away the story?" Ete said to Aragorn with fire in her eyes.  
  
"Answer this one question." Elrond said before things got bloody.  
  
"Yes?" Merut and Ete said.  
  
"Who has the ring?"  
  
"This sounds like a child's game." Merut said. "I can give you the whole story behind who got the ring, how he got it, who had it several people before him and how he got here!"  
  
"Sauron, Isildur, Gollum or Smeagol, Bilbo and now, sitting right here in Rivendell is Frodo Baggins from the Shire, thank you very much and now where do we sit?" Ete said with a flourish and a small applause from Merut.  
  
"Brava." Merut said, smiling widely. Everyone else in the council just looked at them as if saying, "How do you know all this?"  
  
"Very well." Elrond said, sighing and waving his hand. There happened to have been two chairs. One was next to Aragorn and the other was next to Legolas. "Be seated."  
  
Merut and Ete looked to each other and sat. The two smiled at each other. Ete sat next to Legolas and Merut sat next to Aragorn with some dismay. The two were happier than they had ever been. They were now part of the Council of Elrond. 


	3. Chapter 3: Discussions, discussions

Disclaimer: Me? Famous author? No! Not mine, won't be in the future and never will be mine! Capice?

Chapter 3

"Ahem." Elrond said, getting down to business. "Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been summoned to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle-earth stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite, or you will fall. Each race is bound this fate, this one doom." Elrond looked around at everyone importantly and turned to Frodo. "Bring forth the ring, Frodo."

Ete and Merut rolled their eyes as Frodo put the ring on the stone table.

Silence surrounded the council as the hobbit sat down again and looked to Gandalf for reassurance.

"It is a gift." Boromir said, looking upon the ring with satisfaction. He continued along with his thoughts as Ete's attention strayed to the gorgeous Elf god next to her. Then she realized that if she could convince Elrond to let her and Merut go on the quest, then she would be seeing a whole lot of him. Wait. Oh no. Were they...? They were going to be stuck in the book for a whole year! She tried to get Merut's attention from across the circle, but she was too involved with paying attention.

After Boromir said his words, Aragorn spoke up saying, "You cannot wield it. None of us can."

"And what would a ranger know of this matter?"

"This is no mere ranger!" said Legolas... with the backup of Ete and Merut. He looked to the two. Legolas simply shook his head and continued. "He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance."

Boromir looked impressed. "Aragorn? This is Isildur's heir?"

"And heir to the throne of Gondor." Ete said before Legolas could respond. Whilst Legolas had jumped up for his line, Ete just sat in her seat, not moving anything, but simply with her hand holding her chin and muttering it really loud so everyone could hear.

"Um, havo dad, Legolas." Aragorn said, puzzled. "And, uh, Ete as well."

"Quiet." Legolas said... in elvish. But oddly enough, Ete could understand it. Then she remembered she was elven and dismissed the thought.

Boromir continued. "Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king."

"You won't be saying that soon." Merut said. "Now sit down and be quiet, Gondor boy."

"Thank you, Merut." Said Ete, smiling.

"No problem, E.T." Merut said happily.

"Nonetheless," spoke up Gandalf. "Aragorn is right. The use of it is beyond our reach."

"There is one choice." Elrond said. He turned to Ete and Merut. "Now I'm assuming you know what that is, the two of you?" He meant this in a mocking tone.

"Destroy it!" Merut and Ete said as one. Everyone sighed.

"Fine, so you know what happens?"

"Yuh-huh!" Ete said happily.

"Then what are we waiting for?" cried Gimli, standing up with his axe.

"Oh, no." Merut said, shielding her eyes. And with that, Gimli ran at the ring, and swung his axe down upon it. But the axe itself broke into pieces, the ring untouched. As Gimli was on the ground, reeling from the impact with the fellow dwarves next to him, helping him get up, Merut said, "It cannot be destroyed by anyone here."

"Merut's right." Ete said. "It can only be destroyed one way."

"Mount Doom." Elrond said.

"Orodurin." Ete added quickly.

Elrond rolled his eyes and continued. "One of you here must take the ring to Mordor."

Everyone was quiet. Ete and Merut found no use to say anything, so they patiently awaited Boromir.

"One does not simply walk into Mordor." Said Boromir darkly. "Its black gates are guarded by more than just orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep. And the great eye is ever watchful. 'Tis a barren wasteland riddled with fire and ash and dust. The very air that you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly."

"Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said?" exclaimed Legolas, jumping to his feet.

"The ring must be destroyed!" Legolas and Ete said in unison, Ete gaining some amusement at jumpig in unwanted, despite the dwarves' dismayed glances in her direction.

"And I suppose you two think you're the ones to do it?" said Gimli, standing up.

"Better than a slimy little dwarf!" Merut said angrily.

"Three of you then?" said the dwarf hotly. "I will be dead before I see the ring in the hands of elves!"

"Oh, you're asking for it!" said Merut, jumping Gimli and tossing him to the ground.

"Nice one!" Ete said, smiling. Merut stood up proudly but was soon tackled by Gimli. "Hey!" Ete soon joined the fray and tried to pull Gimli off Merut, but ended up being tackled by Dwarf #3.

Soon, everyone was fighting and they could hardly hear it when Frodo said he would take the ring.

"I will take the ring to Mordor!" Frodo said over the noise. Ete stood up and moved her hair off to one side as to see everything. "Though I do not know the way."

Gandalf smiled and moved to Frodo. "I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, as long as it is yours to bear."

"If by my life or death," said Aragorn, kneeling to Frodo. "If I can protect you, I will. You have my sword." Merut saw Gandalf wink to Elrond.

"Ooh. Hot mojo love between Gandalf and Elrond!" said Merut. Ete burst into laughter whilst Elrond and Gandalf's eyes went deer in the headlights and their faces turned very red.

"A-and my bow!" said Legolas, trying to break up the tension.

"Me too!" Ete said, walking up with Legolas.

"Hey, I'm the one from house crossbow!" Merut said, walking forward with them.

"Oh, no you don't!" Elrond said, trying to prevent Merut and Ete from going along. He had a strange feeling that if they went along, the world would be convicted to its own doom.

"Elrond, be prepared to give your daughter away to a king." Ete said, before he could get any closer.

"But I can't let you!" Elrond said, almost pleading.

"Oh, yes you can." Merut said. "We know what's going to happen, so you'd better consider us an asset." She gave him a look that would kill a god. Elrond just diminished and went very quiet.

"Well," said Gimli speaking up. "I shall come along with my axe. A dwarf is three times as good as an elf!"

"Don't think too highly of yourself, dwarfie." Merut said, giving him the same look as she gave Elrond. Gimli slightly diminished and went quiet. Then things went back on track.

"You carry the fate of us all, little one." Boromir said, standing forward and looking to Frodo with a hint of admiration. "If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done."

"Oh jeez." Merut said. "Gondor boy, too."

"I'm going to get this over with quick." Ete said, looking to the wings for the hobbits. "Sam, Merry, Pippin, come on out."

The three hobbits walked slowly out to the group.

"Frodo's not going anywhere without me." Sam said.

"No wonder. I can't separate you two." Elrond said to Sam, who blushed and looked to his feet. "And what are your excuses?" Elrond turned to Pippin and Merry.

"You need intelligence on this mission, quest, thing." Pippin said.

"That rules you out, Pip." Merry said.

"Hmm." Elrond said. "Eleven companions. So be it. You shall be the fellowship of the ring."

"Tada!" Merut and Ete said, in place of the majestic music and much seriousness.


	4. Chapter 4: Alone at Last

You know the drill.... Ete and Merut are Abby and I; they're... well... Abby and me! Read the note at the bottom... but read the chapter first! Leggie and everyone else, are the wonderful genius Tolkien's creations, so get off my back all you lawyers that want to sue me!!!! I only have $7.07 in my bank account! There's nothing there for you!  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
  
"Well," said Elrond to the group. "I've got to be going now." He looked to the ground and quickly looked up. "See ya!" and Elrond quickly strode off.  
  
Merut and Ete looked strangely to him. They never knew that Elrond would take such extreme unsubtleness to get away. They couldn't dwell on the thought because soon, Gandalf started talking.  
  
"Well, this is unexpected." Gandalf said, still displeased with the comment made by Merut earlier. To show his dissatisfaction, he glowered at the two girls.  
  
"What?" Ete said in disbelief. "You don't think we can handle the trip through the Misty Mountains?"  
  
"And battle with orcs?" said Merut, folding her arms.  
  
"And fights against trolls?"  
  
"And snow?"  
  
"And rain?"  
  
"And evil, evil men?"  
  
"And Smurfs?" said Ete, forgetting her place.  
  
"What?" asked Pippin, very confused. "Are they another peril?"  
  
"Mer!" Merut said, elbowing Ete in the stomach.  
  
"I mean...." Ete said, trying to cover up. "I meant giant squid monsters outside the Mines of Moria!"  
  
"And Crebain." Merut said, trying to end the list.  
  
"From Duneland." Ete said at last.  
  
Pippin looked very worriedly to Merry. "Are we really going to go up against all those?"  
  
"Of course not." Merry said, wanting to not believe the girls. "They're just trying to scare us."  
  
"Not likely." Ete said. "Listen." Ete decided to get serious and make sure they knew what was going on. "We're really confused ourselves. But we're really an asset to the Fellowship. If you don't let us on the trip, then you guys will all go blindly. We can help you see what's to happen."  
  
"Now shut up and let us come." Merut said, looking to Gandalf with that oh- so-evil stare.  
  
Gandalf rolled his eyes and nodded. "Now we're going to leave early next morning. Pack sparingly, etceteras, etceteras." He turned to Ete and Merut. "Now since you seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, you probably don't have anything. Here." Gandalf reached into the folds of his robes to retrieve something.  
  
Ete screamed. "NO! We really don't need to see that, thank you!"  
  
Gandalf looked at Ete as if she had three heads. Merut covered up Ete's mouth.  
  
"MER!" Merut said quickly. She turned to Gandalf. "Please pay no heed to her." Merut shot the death stare to Ete. Ete whimpered.  
  
Gandalf pulled out a pouch that seemed to be weighed down heavily. "This should pay for your expenses. Get yourself some weapons and such. Please. Now go busy yourselves. I have to be off to look at books."  
  
The group muttered in agreement about different things that they needed to do. Ete and Merut smiled; trying to contain themselves until all had left. The two looked to each other.  
  
It started as a small, almost inaudible squeal, but soon grew to a full-out scream of happiness.  
  
"YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!" The two screamed, the echoes bouncing off of every crevice in the dale, making an angelic tone of brilliance to their ears. Ete did several of her happy dances; Merut jumped up and down with utter happiness.  
  
"We're elves!" Merut said, landing down on the ground, slightly bouncing.  
  
"We can use our accents!"  
  
"No Missy!"  
  
"No sisters!"  
  
"No Mom!"  
  
"No Dad!"  
  
"Completely unsupervised!"  
  
"AND WE'RE ELVES!" Ete screamed.  
  
"But wait!" Merut said, steadying Ete.  
  
"Whaaat?" Ete said, standing vaguely still.  
  
"We can't be Meredith and Abby anymore. We'll be Ete and Merut, respectively."  
  
"Aw, freak." Ete said, sitting down on the pedestal that once held the ring. The two were silent for a couple seconds... but it didn't last.  
  
"I never liked Abbatha anyway!" Merut said, jumping to action.  
  
"Ditto with Meredith!" Ete said, springing off the pedestal and striking a pose with Merut. "We're cute!"  
  
"We're SCAdian!"  
  
"And we're in Middle-Earth!" the two said, trying to flex the girly muscles they both did not have.  
  
"A hem." Said a voice behind them. The two froze. "I thought you two would like an escort."  
  
Ete and Merut looked to each other, un-flexed the muscles and turned around slowly. Legolas was standing there. He had changed into the normal attire of blue and green and out of the velvet-elven-fabric-robe-thing he was wearing before.  
  
"E-escort?" Merut said, very nervously.  
  
"Yes." Legolas said, a bit more comfortable. "To the marketplace to get the things you need."  
  
Merut looked to Ete in an expression that Ete had never seen in Merut before. Ete rolled her eyes to Merut.  
  
"That would be wonderful." Ete said, making her voice sound smoother and more musical than the normal tone of fast-talking.  
  
"Besides," said Merut, catching on. "We don't really know the currency around here."  
  
Legolas smiled. "Very well. Please come with me." And then, the three spent an afternoon of shopping in Imaldris.  
  
Merut got a crossbow with twenty bolts, two tunics with two pairs of black pants, a green cloak, a new hat and a leather quiver to carry all of them in.  
  
Ete got two traveling dresses with black pants to wear underneath, a black cloak, a new hat, a bow, twenty arrows, and two daggers to put in her brand new boots, a quiver and a satchel.  
  
  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey there, ho there! I'll get cracking on the new chapter, people. Don't worry about it! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, ABBY?!?!?! By the way, Merut and Ete are based on myself and my friend Abby and our alternative lives really are in the SCA as Maruit and Ete. Yes, I know I spelt it wrong in the story, but I didn't know how to spell it when I first wrote it and hey! I like it that way. Easier to pronounce that way! 


	5. Chapter 5: Emergencies

Disclaimer: See other chapters. It's all the same wherever you go.  
  
A/N: "Mer" is the reference Merut makes to Ete in many scenes. Don't worry. It all makes sense if you think about it. Ete's real name is Meredith, the nickname's Mer, Merut is still adjusting, etcetera.  
  
  
  
Chapter 5  
  
The fellowship, plus two set off early that morning and traveled for several hours before an emergency came up.  
  
Not orcs, not the Crebain, not even a stone falling. Merut had to use the privy.  
  
"E.T." Merut said urgently, pulling Ete back a bit.  
  
"What?" Ete said to her companion.  
  
"Emergency." Merut said, walking a little slower.  
  
"What emergency?" Ete said, falling back with Merut.  
  
"Emergency emergency." Merut said, walking very slow now. The two of them were at least ten feet behind the group.  
  
"As in courses emergency or water emergency?"  
  
"Water emergency as in the other end of the water emergency chain."  
  
"What's holding you up back there?" said Aragorn, who was at the end of the entourage, but realized there were people behind him.  
  
"Merut has to pee!" Ete said, making her best friend bright red. Ete did what she could to keep from laughing.  
  
At this point, Aragorn had stopped everyone and, for lack of better shows, the all listened intently to the conversation.  
  
"What do you mean by 'pee'?" asked Aragorn, quite confused with the matter.  
  
"You know. Use the necessary." Ete said, Merut trying to hide behind Ete.  
  
"Meeeerrr..." Merut said, embarrassed. She had almost forgotten about the absolute urgency of the matter.  
  
"You mean she has to relieve herself?" asked Gimli, very coarsely.  
  
"Indeed. She needs to relieve her bladder!" Ete made sure her voice echoed in the mountains.  
  
"Well, in that case, there are some branches over there." Boromir pointed to a nice small thicket that strayed just a small bit from the road.  
  
"Thanks, Boromir!" Ete said, pulling her friend out from behind her. "There ya go, my bestest friend in all of Middle Earth!"  
  
"Don't be alarmed if you wake up with a bolt in your chest." Merut said, briskly walking off to hide.  
  
As soon as Merut was out of sight, Ete burst into laughing, sitting on a rock to just laugh as much as she needed to.  
  
"You know I can hear you!" spoke the bushes.  
  
"And I can hear you too!"  
  
The entire fellowship looked to each other in complete confusion. What exactly is so funny about this situation? There simply isn't any logic to the humor found in the scene playing before them, even when Ete is splitting her sides with laughter.  
  
But, there wasn't too much time to rest on the thoughts, for Merut was soon back and walking with everyone, making sure to stay far away from everyone else.  
  
Meanwhile, Ete was having just as much fun frolicking in the periwinkles, as one would say. She pranced with the rest of them, enjoying the clear sun. Fortunately for her, she wasn't as cold as everyone else was, for she had spent the night before lining her boots with fleece, making mittens and scarves. She knew it was going to be freezing cold. That's why she took the liberty of taking care of Merut's clothes and making them warm. Not that it made much of a difference, for Merut was still warm from the previous incident.  
  
"How can you be so warm?" asked Pippin, who was holding his cloak very tightly around him. "The temperature is freezing!"  
  
"It's winter, Pip. Of course it's freezing. And it's not going to get much warmer for a while." Ete shook a mittened finger to Pippin and laughed, frolicking off to the front of the group. 


	6. Chapter 6: Crebain and Snow

Chapter 6

"Why don't we save you the trouble." Merut said, munching on the food Sam had prepared.

"Are you going to read the future again, Merut?" asked Boromir, rolling his eyes.

"Actually, yes, Gondor boy." Merut said, shooting an icy glare to Boromir. He sighed.

"Please don't call me that." Boromir said, acting hurt.

"Well ex-CUSE me! I'm not the one that wants to use the ring of power to save a city that has FAILED!" Merut said, placing her hands on her hips.

"The White City has not failed!"

"Well it will if your FATHER stays in power!"

"My father is a good man!"

"He commits suicide!"

"What!" Boromir said, aghast.

"Merut!" Ete said, running up and clasping a hand over Merut's mouth. Merut had given too much away. "Please forgive her! After the little incident back there, well, she hasn't been herself." She gave a pleading smile. "What Merut means to say is that we will only meet with terrible trouble if we make our way south. We should go through the Mines of Moria."

Merut bit Ete's hand and continued her anger whilst walking off to sit on a rock.

Ete held her hand and sighed. "Boromir, why don't you teach the hobbits how to fight?"

"Sounds like fun!" said Pippin, pulling Boromir off.

"My father's going to die?" Boromir said to himself as Merry and Pippin pulled him off.

"If it makes you feel any better, he dies after you!" Merut called after him. That remark earned her a smack upside the head from Ete.

A few moments later, the conversation was continued.

"If you were to ask my opinion, which I know you are not," Gimli said. "I would have to say that I agree with Ete. We should go through the mines. My cousin Balin would give us a royal welcome."

Merut gave a cough that sounded a lot like "he's dead" but was soon given an angry look from Ete. She covered it up by coughing some more and saying "Sorry. Tomato in my throat."

"I would not go through the mines unless I had no other choice." Said Gandalf.

"Sounds like snow for me." Ete said, frowning. Legolas became alert.

Ete and Merut smiled greatly to one another. They stopped eating and jumped on the rock with Legolas. He was a bit disturbed by the girls holding onto him for lack of balance. The rock was quite small, after all.

The argument broke out in the background.

"For the Shire!" they heard Pippin say.

Sam was the one who noticed it.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Nothing! Just a whisp of cloud." Said Gimli.

"But it's moving fast... and against the wind." Boromir said, looking up.

Merut and Ete jumped up and down with giddy-ness.

"Crebain from Duneland!" The three elves said in unison. Legolas looked to the girls.

"Hide!" Aragorn said, jumping down behind a rock. All the fellowship hid as the birds flew by.

When the storm of birds was over, all came out.

"We must take the pass of Caradhras." Gandalf said, looking up to the mountain.

"Damn." Ete said.

Several hours later, Ete stopped the Fellowship.

"Wait! I can save us a lot of trouble!" She said.

Here's the story. Ete hates snow. She hates cold. She hates cold and wet. Therefore, she hates snow. Snow is baaaaaaaaad. Got it?

"More fortune telling?" said Boromir, sighing.

"Don't make me start with you!" Merut said, holding up a fist.

"Very well." Gandalf said, sighing. "But make it quick."

Ete spoke quickly. "All that's going to be accomplished is that Frodo will fall, drop the ring, Boromir will pick it up and get mesmerized, Aragorn will almost snip his head off, we'll climb up the mountain, there will be a fell voice on the air, Saruman will try to take down the mountain, we'll all get covered in snow, Frodo will be placed with the decision either to continue across the mountain, make for the gap of Rohan, or go through Moria and he'll chose to go through Moria, which will mean that we have to make our way back down through the mountain and then go to the mines!"

Hours later, they were making their way through Caradhras, wind whipping and sending everyone into the darkest depths of cold.

"I hate snow." Ete said.


	7. Chapter7: More snow and the Author Godd...

A/N: Sorry it took so long to post another chapter. Maruit... I'm soooo sorry. Please forgive me. And it's not just about not posting. Please forgive me, Maruit, Archery queen of all the people I know that does archery!

Chapter 7

The elves walked lightly on top of the snow as the others walked in the snow. Ete was slightly lighter in mood than she thought she would be, considering the freezing cold and snow. At least she wasn't carrying a hobbit. But more astonishing than that, she was warm. She couldn't tell the difference from heat and cold. She forgot that she was going to be an elf, which meant she didn't feel it. Silly Ete!

"Twisted." Ete said, walking lightly.

Legolas, Ete and Merut lifted their heads when they heard it. Ete realized that yes; there was a fell voice on the air. The three stopped, looking around.

"There is a fell voice on the air." Legolas said, looking into the blizzard.

"It's Saruman!" Merut said. Both looked to each other and bolted close next to the mountain. Moments later after a futile attempt from Gandalf, the crew was covered in snow from head to foot. The group poked out of the snow one by one.

"This snow is so freaking buggy!" Ete said, popping out. "Let's go through Moria and get it over with!"

"Boromir, the Gap of Rohan brings us too close to Isengard! Trying to pass Caradhras is futile and the Mines... well..." Merut said, trailing off. "Most of us won't die in there..."

This alarmed Gandalf.

"I do not wish to go through the mines." Gandalf said.

"Well, Frodo, what is it? Mines, Gap or Caradhras." Ete said, turning to the hobbit.

Frodo thought for a moment. "We will go through the mines."

"Good!" The two girls said, making their way backwards.

When the company reached the bottom of the mountain, Ete was happy. The snow wasn't flying in her eyes or sticking to the back of her throat.

Snow. Such a nuisance.

Nonetheless, Ete was ecstatic to be out of the snow. How does she celebrate?

"WOOSH!" Ete said, flying down the foot hill. "Bless the onomatopoeias!"

"The what?" asked Pippin , turning to Merut, but soon he found a red blur swishing past him. Merut started flying down the hill in quick step.

Over the next few minutes, Merut and Ete chased each other in circles down the hill while the rest of the fellowship walked in a "normal" straight line. The two tried tripping each other, but to no avail. With their senses, they could tell whenever each other was trying to trip them. The two would simply jump over the other's legs and continue down the hill.

Gimli was getting annoyed.

"What do you elves thing you are doing?" Gimli yelled in a growling tone. Okay. He was a bit farther than annoyed. He had his axe out.

"I'm running! I'm running!" Ete said in a squeaky GIR impression, picking up speed down the hill, her arms out as if she was ready to glide off.

Merut decided to taunt the dwarf. Merut stopped in front of the dwarf abruptly, placing both feet together and her hands behind her back.

"Master Dwarf," Merut said simply. "We are expressing our elven gra-!" Ete slammed into Merut, knocking her to the ground. Ete simply jumped over Merut and continued running around.

"Too slow!" Ete said, running and jumping.

Merut stood up, brushing herself off. She was a bit angry.

"ETE! What'd you do that for!"

"A'cuz I felt like it!"

"Well get ready to meet the best Archer in the East!" Merut started making snowballs.

"Oh be quiet! You can't hit a moving target!" Ete spun around and ran again.

"Maybe not home, but in Middle-earth I can!" And the attack began. Merut flew the first snowball to hit Ete. Unfortunately (for Merut) the ball did not hit and missed Ete.

Merut growled and threw another one and by the will of the Author Goddess, Merut missed the raven-haired beauty. Merut tried again, but met to no avail. And Merut tried again and missed the-

Merut: Stop it! Obsidian, Stop it!

Author Goddess: Do not refer to me in such a degrading tone! I am GOD to you!

Merut: No freaking way!

Author Goddess: Yes Freaking way!

Merut: Nuh-uh!

Author Goddess: Yuh-huh!

Merut: No way in hell!

Author Goddess: I am the will of the fic!

Merut: And by the will of the fic, my name is spelled wrong!

Author Goddess: And by the will of the fic you get out hang out with LEGOLAS!

Merut: ... oh... yeah...

Author Goddess: has won the field As I was saying...

Merut kept missing the Ete, who was feeling her luck to run out.

Merut: Finally!

Therefore, Ete hid behind the Son of the Steward of Gondor.

And by the will of the fic, Merut hit her mark!

Merut's crowd cheers

Hold your horses! There is one thing to understand as of yet. As I said, Ete hid behind Boromir. She lined herself up perfectly behind Boromir. Merut was aiming for Ete's face. Ete's face was behind Boromir's face.

In layman's terms, Gondor Boy got a snowball in the kisser.

Author Goddess: See what happens when you mess with the will of the fic?

Merut: Oh shut up.

As Boromir stood, stunned, Ete frolicked away as fast as she came, so Boromir never knew there was anything behind him.

"La la la la laaaaaa..." Ete said as she skipped on the snow. In the meantime, Boromir got so angry that he made the snow boil on his face and evaporate into the air.

"MERUUUUUTTT!" Boromir screamed, brandishing a sword.

Author Goddess: Payback's a bitch, ain't it?

"Uh oh." Merut said, stumbling backwards.

"I am tired of you always making fun of me!"

"But I was trying to hit Ete! She was behind you!"

"In Mordor you were! There was nothing behind me, much less Ete."

"But Ete was behind you, I swear!" Merut looked up to a snow bank where Ete was sitting, making a snow elf, pointed ears and all. Merut sighed and returned her attention to Gondor Boy.

"Lies!" Boromir screamed, pulling back his sword.

"But it was an accident, Gondor boy!" Merut said and her head was snipped off as Boromir's sword came down.

Merut's Crowd: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Merut: You can't do that to me! I'm one of the main characters!

Author Goddess: Oh yes I can! I am the will of the fic! Is in a spooky big head. Think wizard of Oz.

Merut: pulls down a curtain to see Obsidian working the levers You were saying?

Obsidie: Oh fine. But don't say that Ete's not beautiful.

Merut: rolling her eyes Fine.

Obsidie: And don't criticize my work.

Merut: rolling her eyes again Fine.

Obsidie: And don't-

Merut: I SAID FINE!

Obsidie: Erm... okay. And by the will of the fic, all is restored. BLING!

"WOOSH!" Ete said, running down the hill. "Bless the onomatopoeias!"

"The what?" asked Pippin, looking up to Merut. "They're words that sound like what they represent." Merut said, folding her arms as they walked down the hill. She wasn't even going to start. And thus, the fellowship went down the hill and made their way to Moria.


	8. Chapter 8: A Proclaimation of LOVE?

A/N: Hey! I turned 16 and it was hectic! As it turns out you need your birth certificate AND your Social security card to get your permit and oh, it's hell! Nonetheless, I have whipped this out!

Chapter 8

The Fellowship made it to the gates of Moria and since the author goddess is too lazy and it wasn't too eventful (aside from the huge Kraken guarding the gates), Ete and Merut led the group into the mines.

After hours of walking, which seemed like days (it probably was), Gandalf came to the place he forgot. Thus, the group was delayed.

Now, it may be a misconception that Ete and Merut forgot which pass to go through, but they were too frustrated with the hobbits.

You see, Merry and Pippin were placed under control of Ete and Merut because of the little incident back at the gates. The hobbits were being babysat. This was probably an attempt to try to have an excuse to kill Ete and Merut any chance they get as it was very likely that the hobbits would get in trouble.

"Sit!" Merut said, shoving Merry down on a rock.

"Ditto!" Ete said, pointing sternly at Pippin. He did as told. (snicker)

The two girls sat down on the ground and sulked.

"We're on the greatest adventure in all literature and they won't let us do anything!" Ete said, frowning.

"They didn't even let me have a shot at the Watcher!" Merut complained. "I could have killed it! But 'Nooooooooooooo, Merut. You might get hurt. We have to let Aragorn and Gondor boy thwack at his tentacles while Elf God over here shoots at his eyes.'" She humphed and got up. She spread her arms wide and addressed the company. "I would send you all to the orcs, so the least you could do is let me have a shot at something smelly and rude." She looked over at Boromir. "You're gonna die anyway." Boromir looked hurt as Merut sat down again next to Ete. "I'm not going to be a filthy hobbit-sitter."

Merut continued grumbling to herself and Legolas signaled for Ete to come over. Merut didn't notice as Ete walked over to Legolas.

"Yes, Legolas?" Ete said, a bit confused.

"Ete, you've known Merut for a long time, right?" Legolas said, peeking over his shoulder at the still angry elf.

"Yeah. What's the deal." Ete leaned against the rocks and folded her arms.

"Well..." Legolas said, looking hesitantly around.

"Yeeeeaaaahh?" Ete said, leaning a bit forward. This sounded interesting. If Legolas was going to profess his undying love to Merut, she wanted to be the first to hear it.

Legolas hushed his voice and leaned over close to Ete. "Would she really send us all to the orcs?"

Ete's laughter started soft, but soon turned into roaring laughter that even Merut turned to hear.

"Ete?" Legolas said, a bit worried. Ete was on the floor at this point. "Are you okay?"

Tears were streaming down Ete's face.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" Ete said in pain from laughing so hard. She slowly got up, wiping the tears from her eyes, chuckling still. "Um, uh, no, Legolas." She wiped more tears from her eyes, laughed a bit and continued. "Merut wouldn't seriously send you guys to the orcs. She's just angry, that's all."

"Why were you laughing so?" Legolas asked.

This caused Ete to start laughing even harder and fall to the floor again, but before she could respond, she was being hauled off down the staircase by Legolas, trying to calm down.

A/N: I'm sorry! It's short, I know. The fight scenes are going to be hard. I need to contemplate it! But for the fans of my work, I have another LOTR fic up, Mirkwood to the Grey Havens. It's a romance story. Check it out!

-Obsidie


	9. Chapter 9: PIPPIN! NOOOO!

A/N: As I'm writing this, I sit, tired and sleepy, so there shouldn't be too much. It may be getting too serious, but I'm definitely going to try to bring the enmity back between Merut and Boromir, there just wasn't room for it in this chapter. Dun worry! It's still there.

Disclaimer: Hmmm... ENJOLRAS OWNS LOTR! YES! That's it! Sorry. Les Mis reference. Hm. Enjolras is hot.

Leggie: OBSIDIE! You don't love me?

Obsidie: Oh. Did I say that aloud?

Leggie: I'm willing to forgive you.

Obsidie: Willing to forgive, ne?

Leggie: All you have to do is... (whispers in Obsidie's ear)

Obsidie: (her eyes widen) LEGOLAS! You are sick! (thinks and shrugs) Eh, okay.

Dwarrowdelf.

"Wow." Ete said, thoroughly sweeping her eyes across the room. She was quite calm now and was amazed with at the sight. The sheer immensity of it all was astounding. "I know that I'm going against all convictions I have ever said against the dwarfs, but this certainly is an achievement." Gimli smiled with pride.

"See what the great race of the dwarves can do?"

"Hey, this is only one achievement, buddy." Merut said, placing her hand on the dwarf's shoulder. Then her eyes opened in horror and she yanked her hand away, hopping around, screaming as if in excruciating pain.

"Merut, what's wrong?" Boromir asked, starting to reach for his sword. All the fellowship stood in readiness.

"I TOUCHED IT! I TOUCHED IT! I TOUCHED IT!" Merut screamed, holding her hand in the other. She ran to Ete and wiped her hand on the back of Ete's blouse.

"Merut, shut UP." Ete said, grabbing Merut by her hair and pulling her back. "The goblins'll hear us sooner than they must." She hissed into Merut's ear. This calmed Merut and she shut up.

"Ooh! What's this?" They heard Merry say. He was at the door of Balin's tomb.

"Oh no." Merut and Ete said in unison. They knew that they were going to be in for trouble.

"NO!" Gimli yelled, running towards the tomb. He fell to his knees, etceteras, crying as Gandalf read the bit. Merut and Ete reached for their weapons. Merut fitted a bolt to her crossbow and Ete held her bow at her side, an arrow in her hand. "We cannot linger." Legolas said to Aragorn.

"Gimli, we have no time to mourn." Merut said to the sorrow-stricken dwarf. Ete's eyes widened as she saw the hobbit move toward the well.

"PIPPIN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" And then, the skeleton fell into the well, making the echoing noises in the dark. Ete and Merut looked to each other in fear.

"Boromir, barricade the door!" Ete said, her voice quivering with fear. She didn't leave time for them to ask.

"Thousands of goblins are coming."

"Let them come." Gimli said, roaring with rage.

"They have a cave troll." Merut said. And then they heard the drums.

"Bloody hell!" Ete said, running to the door and closing it herself.

"Set a blockade." No one moved. "NOW!" The men placed axes across the door and started to feel resistance.

"Draw your swords!" Merut said, walking to the hobbits. She placed her hand on Sam's shoulder.

"There are many of them. Save your energy though. Just kill them. There are worse things coming. Prepare to run." Ete said, pulling her bowstring back and releasing an arrow into a creature. She knew that the arrows would be useless, so she took the daggers from her boots after placing her bow away. "Ready yourselves!"

"When did you know what to say in these situations?" Aragorn asked Ete while holding his sword, awaiting the oncoming attack.

"I'm a writer." And with that, the door burst open and the mass slaughter began. The fight lasted for an era.

"E.T.?" Merut yelled across the room to Ete while cleanly slicing off a head of a goblin.

"Yeah, Merut?" Ete said, stabbing a goblin between the eyes.

"Did the fight scene last this long in the movie?"

"Beats me!" Just then, the troll came in.

"I refuse to kill that thing!" Merut said, running as far away from the troll as she could and kept maintaining the distance while killing more and more goblins.

"I feel sad for it." Ete said, sitting and pondering the thought of what the troll may have gone through, occasionally killing a passing goblin.

"We don't have time for this, E.T.!" Merut said, snagging her friend and killing another goblin.

"Look!" Ete said, pointing to the cave troll. He had hit Frodo. "He's hit." She ran to the hobbit and kneeled beside him. "I'll get him better." She sat there, shaking Frodo and resting his head easier while the group continued to fight. When all was silent, Aragorn crawled over, completely sad. All gathered around him, thinking him dead.

"He's fine." Ete said, smiling. At that moment, Frodo awoke, coughing. "He just got the wind knocked out of him."

"That spear would've-." Aragorn started, but Merut intruded.

"Skewered a wild boar." Merut said. She placed her crossbow on her back. "Show him the Mithril, Frodo." And Frodo revealed the vest. All of them "ooh"ed and "ah"ed. Then more goblins were heard.

"The trouble begins." Ete said. She turned to Gandalf. "Bridge of Khazad- dum, Gandalf?"

"Yes." Gandalf said and the troupe started running.


	10. Chapter 10: Love and Super Archer Boys?

DISCLAIMER: Tolkien? Not mine. Legolas? Not mine (much to my dismay). Ete and Merut? Yeah, they're mine. Super Archer Boy? Nope, unfortunately. I don't know his name, so he ends up being referred to as SAB.

The group ran to the bridge and jumped over the hole and was swiftly followed by the Balrog.

"Wait!" Merut said, veering away from the path.

"Merut, what in Mordor's name are you doing!" Ete screamed after her comrade.

"Getting what I hope to be there! Go ahead! And tie a rope around Gandalf!"

"But we'd be messing with the script!"

"We don't have time for this!" Legolas said, grabbing Ete by the arm and pulling her off. Merut joined the crew, followed by a cloaked figure.

"Who the hell's that?" Ete inquired, falling back to Merut.

"Later, E.T." Merut said, a large grin on her head. "Didja tie him up?"

"Eww," Ete said.

"Not like that!" Merut cringed.

"Either way, no." Ete said, still running. "That messes with the will of Tolkien. You know what authors do."

"Yeah." Merut said, thinking. "But he'll fall into shadow and we won't see him for days. Little Froooooooooodooooooooooo will be most displeased."

"Well, we don't have time to think of 'Froooooooooodooooooooooo' now." She tossed Merut into cover as the Balrog came.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" They heard Gandalf say. Ete couldn't handle it.

"I'm leaving now." She said. It was fine to deal with on the silver screen, but in real life, it was unbearable.

Before long, the fellowship emerged, all sad and worried. Legolas looked utterly bewildered and Ete gave him a hug. Boromir held Gimli back from trying to get vengeance for Gandalf and all the hobbits sat and cried. Ete and Merut were on the brink of tears themselves and sighed.

"Well, we have to go." Ete said, sighing.

"By nightfall, these hills will be swarming with orcs." Aragorn said and the group set out to Lothlórien.

"Whozzat?" Ete asked Merut, pointing to the black hooded figure.

Merut suddenly sparked up as she pulled the figure up to everyone.

"My predictions were right!" Merut said. Ete was lost.

"What?"

"SUPER ARCHER BOY LIVES IN MORIA!" Merut squealed, de-hooding the figure to reveal Super Archer Boy, the 16-year-old archery prodigy of the East.

"Hey." SAB said, waving a hand.

"He what!" Ete said most alarmed.

"We're in loove." Merut said, sighing and attaching herself to SAB's shoulder.

"You're WHAT!" Ete said, now really alarmed. "You've known each other for one hour!"

"But it's true love!" Merut said.

"I feel sorry for ya, bud." Ete said, patting SAB's shoulder and walking ahead.

During the walk, you could most often see Merut clinging to SAB and the hobbits wondering what the trip would have been like if Ete and Merut weren't there.

"Gimli, don't breathe." Ete said, snickering.

"I would stop it if I could." Gimli said, making the hobbits stay close to him. "They say there's an elf witch here. But they won't fool me..." Gimli went off into his rant about elves and how he's so stealthy.

"Hey, Haldir." Ete said in elvish as the arrows were pointed at her. "We throw ourselves upon your mercy." Ete leaned against a tree.

"I don't believe I've met you before..." Haldir said. He thought for a moment. "And you stepped on my lines!"

"That was my favorite line in the movie." Merut said, sighing.

Before they knew it, they were being ushered through the forest. Lothlórien was really a nice sight to hold. The iridescent lights were beautiful and the trees stretched up to the sky for ages.

"Well bless the devil and damn the gods." Merut said, clinging to SAB, looking up at the trees.

"That's my line!" Ete said.

"That's my line!" Said Joly, the hypochondriac member of Les Amis.

Obsidie: takes Joly and pushes him out of Lothlórien Whoops!

They met Galadriel. Not too exciting. Up close she has a couple black heads. Not really all she's cracked up to be. Ete's favorite part about their stay in Lothlórien was the music and the lament for Gandalf, which was very pretty. Merut liked snuggling with SAB.

"Merut, we're going to have to leave him here." Ete said, making an executive decision.

"But why?" Merut said, whining.

"Oh heavens, you're turning into me!" Ete said, ready to beat her brains in with the closest thing handy: Leggie's bow! She reached for it and it was halfway to her head when it was grabbed by our dear elf and she found herself being dragged along with the bow to a pavilion. "When did I become a bowstring?"

Merut didn't notice and continued her elven snuggling.

"Ete, may I talk with you?" Legolas asked, sitting her down on a root.

"You could have asked before you dragged me over here!" Ete said, dusting off her skirt. "You want to talk about Merut again? Dude, she's got her Super Archer Boy."

"Nah. I wanted to talk to you." Legolas said, sitting on some of the blankets.

"Ah, why not?" Ete said, slouching over and placing her elbows on her knees.

"What did Galadriel say to you?" Legolas asked.

"Ah, she said I didn't belong here. That I wasn't supposed to be here." Ete said, not the slightest bit set off by it. Legolas seemed quite alarmed.

"Why did she say that?"

"Because I don't. Merut and I are from this place called Earth. We were playing in a stream and we got transported here through a riverbed. You see, your story is a piece of fiction in our world and we know all about you. We know what's going to happen because we read it." Legolas stared at her. "But we like you. You've actually been made into moving pictures at home. I'm actually a human along with Merut and her super archer boy."

"Why did you tell me this?" Legolas seemed to try and make it a serious scene. Ete didn't want it like that.

"Ah, because you're cool... and cute... okay, dead sexy, but it doesn't matter. I know that in the greater part of a year, I'm going to wake up and find myself in the riverbed after going on this adventure and life will go on. Now I have to pry Merut off of the SAB." Ete stood up.

"Ete." Legolas said, standing up and kissing Ete.

"How'd I get into this?" She thought. It wasn't the worst of situations she could be in. She made the most of it and turned her first kiss into the best she could... with the sexy elven prince of Mirkwood!

When they... Erm... parted, Ete stumbled back, giggling hysterically, to Merut, decided against it and just sat down and chatted with Pippin.


	11. Chapter 11: Explanations and Merut's Go...

A/N: Bon jour, mes amis. I realized that I NEEDED TO POST ANOTHER CHAPTER! Life screwed up and I was distracted, so bear with me, please. As with any story, it will have to delve into sadness for a little while only to return to the light a little while later. After about a year of writing, the first movie is almost DONE! I can't believe it. Strange things happen in this chapter. smiles satanically to Maruit

DISCLAIMER: The world is ending, but I can deal with that. My point? Anarchy! No laws! Everything belongs to everyone else! Okay, so I lie. It belongs to Tolkien, but all the horrible actions I do to Ete and Merut are of my creation and... let's saaaaaaaayyyy... divine inspiration. Now read and review already!

The next day, everyone set out for Anduin. Merut left the SAB in Lorien, only after much hassling from Ete.

Ete and Merut had a conversation in the boat.

"Merut?"

"Yes, E.T.?"

"I have a question."

"What?"

Ete instantly turned into the devil, turning on Merut. "HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT SUPER ARCHER BOY WAS IN MORIA?"

Merut held her calm... for once.

"You see, my dear extra terrestrial, I have this complicated theory, a parallel world theory, if you must know. I figure that if I lived in Middle-earth, then I would live in Lorien, you in Mirkwood, Missy in Mordor (because she is Sauron herself) and SAB in Moria."

"Why would he live in Moria?" Ete asked, sighing and rowing her boat.

"Plenty of targets!" Merut said, cheerfully.

"Abby!" Ete said, sighing and continuing to row her boat.

Hours passed in silence on the waters.

Hours... and hours... andhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhoursandhours.

Ete couldn't stand it.

"That's it! Everyone, I'm teaching you an old song from the days of yore!"

"What would that be?" Gimli asked.

"ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT! GENTLY DOWN THE STREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMM! MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY, LIFE IS BUT A DREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAMMMM! Everyone now, in a round! ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT-."

"ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT-." Merut chimed in.

"GENTLY DOWN THE STREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAMMM!"

"GENTLY DOWN THE STREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAMMM!"

"MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY,"

"MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY,"

"LIFE IS BUT A DREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAMM!"

"LIFE IS BUT A DREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAMM!"

The hobbits hid. Gimli rolled his eyes. Legolas laughed. Aragorn pretended not to notice. Boromir rowed up next to Merut and hit her on the head.

"HEY!" Merut said, jumping out of the boat and going to beat on Boromir. She jumped on him, causing the boat to shake and the hobbits to hold on for dear life now that their pilot was being assaulted. Merut straddled Boromir and held the collar of his shirt tightly in her fist, pulling her arm back to punch.

"Quit your incessant droning!" Boromir yelled, almost dropping the paddle.

"Don't insult me!" Merut spat back.

"Don't offend my ears!" Boromir retorted.

"You offend my eyes!"

"I hate you!"

"I hate you more!"

"You're gorgeous!"

"You're- What?" Merut became extremely puzzled. She was even more puzzled, outright confused when she found Boromir kissing her.

Ete's face resembled something along the lines of O.O

"MERUT!" Ete said, hiding her face. "Where is your sense of decency?" Merut broke everything off.

"What the hell is your problem!" Merut said, flustered and pissed off.

"Sorry!" Boromir said, trying to make up for the atrocious crime he committed.

"Sorry's not going to cut it!" Merut said, standing up. The hobbits again feared for their lives. "What if your obsession with the ring is contagious?"

Before anyone could say anymore, Merut was back on the boat, paddling fast, moving the boat away from Boromir without Ete's help.

Everyone had a comment. It was all the same comment.

"It's the end of the world. Forget the ring. When Boromir kisses Merut, we're all going to die."

When it was quiet, Ete spoke it Merut.

"Maybe we shouldn't sing 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' anymore."

Moments later, one could hear Ete singing under her breath...

"99 bottles of beer on the wall..."


	12. Chapter 12: We're Disintegrating?

Chapter 12

A/N: This is the last one, folks! I will be continuing the story very soon with a follow-up. Obsidie's strange logic: She doesn't want a 68 chapter long fanfic. Solution: I decided to have three installments, each of them started about the same time as the previous year's, so I will be making a Two Towers edition to companion this. I already have ideas and life will continue as usual on the farm.

Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, this is getting redundant.

Finally they made it to shore by "that big waterfall thingy" as Ete so pleasantly called it.

"Hey." Merut said, pulling Ete off to the side.

"What?"

"Do you think we should keep a tab on Frodo and Boromir?"

"Hmm. Well..." Ete looked around, "We could follow them as long as we don't interfere with the will of Tolkien. You know what happens then authors get angry." The two looked fearfully to the sky.

The Author Goddess: Damn straight.

The two companions shuddered.

"Cool!" Merut said, thoroughly excited to see Boromir in a weak moment. "I'll follow-."

"I'll take Frodo!" Ete said cheerfully.

Merut's mouth dropped to the floor.

"WHAT!"

Ete folded her arms and closed her eyes, her eyebrows raised, completely smug. "I'm sure that you and your precious Gondor boy would just loooove to have a moment alone..."

Merut's eyes widened with the thought.

"GAAAAAHH! UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!" She started to rub the "Gondor Boy Cooties" off.

Whilst Merut was proceeding, Ete grabbed her bow and arrows and followed the little hobbit off into the woods.

Ete followed Frodo stealthily along on his adventure.

Merut was finally pulled aside by, you guessed it, Boromir, into the woods.

"I want to have a conversation with you." Boromir said, once the two stopped.

"As long as you don't use your mouth, fine." Merut said, folding her arms. The two thought for a second. Merut started to grin once she realized the accidental limitations on the Gondor Boy and Boromir looked frustrated.

"Look-."

"You're using your mouth!"

"Merut-."

"No using mouth!"

"But I need-."

"You're breaking my rule!"

"MERUT!" Boromir yelled. "Let me talk!"

Merut sighed heavily. "FINE. But just... don't start kissing me and whatever." Boromir started to talk. "And collect wood while you're at it." She picked up a log and smacked it against his chest, knocking some wind out of him.

"Okay." Boromir said hesitantly after coughing and regaining some oxygen. The two walked into the woods while they talked, Merut staying outside of Boromir's arm span. "I wanted to talk to you about how appallingly I behaved in the boats the other day."

"Well that's no surprise."

"You expected me to kiss you?" Boromir said in alarm.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Merut said, slapping him.

That's somehow what Boromir expected.

"Shouldn't have said that." Boromir said, stepping forward. "I'm sorry."

An awkward silence passed between the two.

"Just sorry?"

"Sorry as the entire world would be if the world could be sorry."

"Apology..." Merut sighed. "Accepted." Boromir looked plainly delighted. "But no more funny business. I hate your guts and the world would come to an end if I didn't."

"Agreed." He said. There was a rustling in the bushes. "What was that?" Boromir was distracted and looked off into the woods. Sure enough, Frodo was walking along, Ete in close step, ducking behind trees. Merut used this opportunity to join her and they kept watch as Boromir ruined his life.

"Pathetic humans." Merut said, snarling from behind the rock.

The scene continued as usual. Orcs came, died and carried off Merry and Pippin. They knew everything that was going to happen, so they followed along and kicked major butt. Then Boromir started dying.

"Aw." Ete said sadly, frowning and actually quite upset. She didn't expect it to hurt.

Merut played it off pretty well, but she was kind of upset. Especially because she was right behind the tree he crawled off to die behind and heard him speak his last words.

"Boromir was a jerk." Merut said as she watched his body float off down the river. "He was a jerkedy jerk jerk idiot with no respect of personal boundaries and was a weak man." She sighed.

"But he was your jerk." Ete said, hitting it right where it hurt.

"Are you insinuating that I had some sort of hot mojo love for Gondor Boy, heaven forbid?" Merut said angrily.

"You liked him in teh end. Admit it."

"He was a jerk and I don't want to think about him anymore! I hated him!" Merut screamed in the direction of the waterfall.

"Will you give it a rest!" Gimli protested. "The only thing you did on this trip was insult Boromir! He was a noble man!"

"He was a bigot!" Merut screamed. "That man was a worthless as the ground beneath his feet!"

"Here we go again..." Aragorn, Ete and Legolas said in unison.

"Boromir had a noble heart!"

"His heart was lead!"

"He was kind!"

"HE KISSED M-!" Merut was cut off. "I feel funny." She looked down. Her feet weren't there... and she was slowly disintegrating into dust! "Ete!"

"Hmm?" Ete asked. She looked down and she was turning into dust, too. "AGH!"

"Ete!" Legolas said in alarm.

"I'm turning to dust!" Merut exclaimed.

"Help me!" Ete said as she last of her disintegrated.

Somewhere in Lorien...

"Hmm. I feel funny." Said the SAB as he quickly disintegrated.

Back at Pennsic...

"Ugh, I'm all wet!" Merut complained.

"I'm soaked..." Ete said disdainfully.

"House Crossbow to Abby." Said the voice on Merut's forgotten belt.

"Mm?" Merut said.

The two were back at Pennsic, the stream flowing over them, sitting in the water.

Within days, the two were sent on their way home, Merut to Connecticut and Ete back to Massachusetts.

The mundane Ete, Meredith, got an email from the mundane Merut, Abby, at school. Life had become increasingly dull since their return and the two had kept in steady email contact since Pennsic.

"You have 1 new messages." Said the yahoo account's main page.

"Next year, we're going back."


End file.
